My partner and I were married in Ithaca on July 17, 2022.

There is one deep lesson we learned from our wedding which will impact me the rest of my life.

Guests are looking for ways to feel comfortable, have a good time, and support you. Whatever you lean into fully, without hesitation, and decide is important, guests will follow your lead in and lean into as well.

You unhindered expression of what is important to you is what allows guest to feel comfortable following you.

I see in myself a natural inclination to be confident when I’m presenting something normal and vanilla, but weary when I’m trying to pull off something unusual or extreme. But in fact, it is our job to do the opposite. If we fully believe in the idea we must go all in with our own confidence in the ideas.

For example, during our wedding weekend we did things backwards. We had the reception the night before. We had our ceremony on Sunday morning. We didn’t ask for permission. We didn’t suss it out. We did it.

We knew the ceremony was the most important part of the weekend for us. We chose to include elements from Christian and Buddhist traditions because it was true to us, not a watered down version of a ceremony that might have made everyone else feel comfortable.

We served green tea– which we knew many guests had never even tasted before– because it is profoundly symbolic of the way Ace and my relationship grew together. Our unabashed decision to serve tea allowed guests to feel comfortable, ask questions, and know what was ‘appropriate’ to do in the hour after our ceremony.

It is not helpful to say, “I know this is weird but…” Or, “We want to do this, but if you would actually like to do this then that is okay…”

Whether you want to try something new in group class, institute a new standard in your studio, or shape a new initiative do so with this lesson in mind.

Own what you want. Fully express your vision. Be uncompromising.

That is what makes people feel comfortable. Hospitality is uncompromising. Unhindered expression is a service.