I’ve been through really low lows.
Times of strife and strain.
Times of drain.
Times I was distracting myself from distraction.
Times of despair.

I’m not going to pretend I haven’t.

However, since we moved away from the zen center, I’ve been moving intuitively, carefully building a safe container (link) for myself. Brick by brick.

Today I want to spend some time talking about each of these essential bricks. I am nothing without them– I’ve experienced that first hand. But with them I feel human and capable. Like I’m able to live in my zone of genius.

BREATHE

I’ve been honing a meditation practice since 2014, most of which involves awareness of the breathing activity.

Attention to my breathing changes my physiological state.

I have more to learn about this, but I know that even 10 minutes on the cushion (seated cross legged) will transition me from a state of restlessness to one of awareness. Not tranquility. Not peace. But simply awareness of what is. Rather than resisting my fear or boredome, I allow it to be and at least acknowledge it is there.

In 2019 I began to explore HRV training under the direction of Dr. Leah Lagos. This showed me the power of rhythmic breathing to shift my physiological state to a very deliberate state of resonance. I began to be able to recognize that signature feeling of physiological resonance, which has a certain texture or temperature in the body. I usually start my meditation with 5 minutes with a timed breathing app (Breath+) at 4 second inhales and 6 second exhales.

Finally, in spring 2022 I began working with a brilliant voice teacher to identify aspects of posture and breathing technique that would allow me to release unnecessary tenion and have an informed ‘use of self.’ These lessons led me to incorporate certain stretches and postures into my breath work.

I practice 10 minutes of breathing in the morning, 25 minutes in the evening before bed, and 5 minutes whenever I need to reset my body throughout the day (before teaching, writing, etc.).

SLEEP

After meditation, the first HUGE change I implemented was a healthy sleep.

Matthew Walker’s podcast interview on sleep hit me like a lightening bolt. It completely changed my perspective on sleep over the course of two hours. (I don’t like Joe Rogan but his questions about dreams, drugs, and endurance sports bring out a lot of interesting ideas).

The simple idea that helped my the most was asking, “Why do I need an alarm?”

If I need to physically interrupt myself from doing what my body naturally wants to do then I must be working against the grain.

So I stopped using alarms.

If I knew I needed to wake up earlier than that necessitated I fall asleep much earlier. I began to have the first full sleeps of my life. Being well rested felt like being sober after years of intoxication.

Since recognizing the benefits of sleep I have now worked to make quality sleep as easy as possible. I think twice about drinking alcohol and eating before bed. We drop the temperature in the evening. We invested in a really nice side-sleep supporting mattress. We turn all devices onto airplane mode before sleep. We purchased a light-blocking curtain (huge!!!!). I invested in mustard yellow pajamas– the type that button all the way up with a collar.

Simply investing in sleep and making it feel luxurous has allowed me enjoy what I used to ignore.

Another benefit is knowing what a rested state feels like. When I’m NOT rested I know I’m not rested. When I feel frustrated, or lazy, or hungry, or forgetful after a night of terrible sleep I at least know why. This has certainly lightened the burdens on my close relationships and given me much more empathy when working with parents and students who are underslept.

One negative from understanding and experiencing the benefits of sleep is then seeing the tragedy of nearly everyone around you suffering from lack of sleep. I don’t want to proselytize, but sleeping has had the single biggest impact on my life behind meditation.

GYM

Though I was a serious athlete in high school and continued to run and work out in college, I was never into ‘gym’ or ‘lifting’ culture.

After several rough winters affected significantly by seasonal affective disorder my partner and I signed up for gym memberships in order to supplement our hiking training. We love to ultra-light backpacking and wanted to do some weekly bodyweight training sessions. After struggling to make it happen in the tiny house we decided to go for a gym membership. This gym is on the fancier side with a pool, sauna, full free-weight lifting floor, big open rooms for classes, and lots of cardio equipment. It definitely felt like a big investment in ourselves and our prioritization of our physical wellbeing, as well as a treat to go to.

At first we were flexible with our schedule and routine, but since January 2022 we have maintained a straightforward 12:45-2:00 lifting session on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. We do a warm up on the treadmill, then stretch, lift, and then stretch for five minutes before changing and going home.

The lifts are consistently my highlight of the week. I can rely on them to anchor the weekend and the always boost my mood. They have also given me a profound sense of confidence in myself.

We we first started lifting on the main gym floor I felt intimidated– now I feel empowered. I have just as much right to use the weights and take up space as the straight, buff guys.

I love the feeling of transforming my body in a very calm, deliberate way. Running and HIIT felt breathless and intense. Lifting feels slow, mindful, and methodical. Consider the principles of progressive overload and mind-muscle connection and you realize just how meditative the lifting community is.

For a beautiful written exploration of this see this.

WEEKLY REVIEWS

I do two systematic reviews per week. One with my partner. One in the violin studio. This is a practice I’ve cultivated since 2013 and sincerely delight in every single week.

On Sunday mornings my partner and I face the Ithaca elements and go on a hike, rain or shine. We make loops around the gorges and waterfalls while contemplating a few questions.

What was you highlight of the week?
What was your lowlight of the week?
What is our common vision?
What tractable changes are we going to make?
What else do we need to discuss?

We’ve asked ourselves the same questions every single Sunday since 2020. It is the bedrock of our relationship. We don’t skip Sundays. If we are traveling we do the hike where we are– even driving in the car if we need to. If friends or family are visiting we include them in the review, asking them about their highs and lows and their vision for the future.

It is revealing how different our perspectives are one week to the next. We love noticing that all lowlights are highlights in disguise in that they spur us to make significant changes the next week. We notice the complaints and struggle that come up time and time again. We strategize to solve problems, but we also get at the root of the thought patterns.

It is on these walks that we committed to moving to a new apartment, buy a new car, shifted our investment strategy, decided to sign up for the gym, and rechart our career paths. We evan proposed to each other on a Sunday review hike.

There is something about walking around the big waterfalls in beautiful loops through all the seasons that put our highs, lows, committments, and visions in perspective. When you stand at the base of a waterfall taller than Niagra Falls flanked by old growth cedar self concern melts away.

My other review, my professional one, is much more practical.

Once a week, usually on Monday afternoons at ITE, I respond to every email, every text, file every ‘to-do,’ take care of all less-than-two-minute tasks, and assure myself that all of my projects are on course. This is when I consult my semester plan, make a weekly plan in my time-block planner, and acknowledge what I can’t do this week. I’m absolutley sure these reviews make me twice as effective at getting done what I want to get done and marginally better at responding to emails and texts.

This is when I water plants and vacuum the studio. Just getting the space physically ready for the week allows me to feel ready for the teaching week. I don’t want a whiff of resistance to teaching to bubble up in me, and then be passed on to the studio. A review with my partner and a review with my professional obligations quells the resistance.

FIXED TEACHING SCHEDULE

Speaking of teaching, it has really helped me to fix my teaching schedule. I teach Tuesday through Friday from 3 to 8 and Saturday morning from 9-11. I think of Monday through Saturday as my six day work week, however I don’t teach on Mondays and Saturday afternoons. That gives me 1.5 days per week to take care of big projects like writing, matrix development and editing footage, as well as maintenance work like rivering and weekly reviews.

This fixed schedule allows me to be very clear with parents about what flexibility I do and don’t have for makeups and shifting lessons mid-semester. I can also rely on feeling the sacred ‘off’ on Sunday as well as having a productive outlet on Monday and Saturday afternoon.

I can’t tell you how beneficial this has been for my mental health.

HAWTHORN

I care for a young child from 8:30-12:00 every Tuesday-Friday. I’ve been doing this for over 1.5 years now.

Though I don’t need to work a second job for financial reasons, having a person to report to every morning for four hours has been an incredibly important container over the last 18 months. I can imagine it is easy as a teacher who works in the afternoon and evening to let their mornings get away from them. I have to be very intentional about how I wrap up teaching in the evening on Tuesday-Friday so that I can be ready to work again at 8:30 the next morning.

The time I spend with Hawthorn is slow, meditative, involves outside time, and happens completely unplugged from a device. I think of this time as my research on family culture and early childhood development, it’s just an additional benefit that by working with him I’m adding $12,000 a year to my salary.

In June this year I’m going to transition to full time teaching, but I feel that the two years of groundwork I have laid with Hawthorn will allow that 8-12 morning container to be as productive as possible. I already have a ritual of getting mysef up and ready for work in the morning, I’ll just transition that work from Hawthorn time to studio time. That work will be deep, meaningful, and sustained because I’m already used to dedicating that time to undistracted, attentive work.

MONDAY MEAL PREP

On Saturday evening at dinner Ace and I decide the three meals we will eat throughout the week.

We are at a phase in life where our eating has no rules (perhaps I will share more about this in the future), though when we do big picture planning like this we often settle on meals that prioritize quality and local protein, vegetables, fruits, and grains.

For example, this week we continued our
Breakfast: oat groats, fruit, greek yoghurt, peanut butter
Meal 1: ground beef, rice, beans, peppers and onions, avocado, and salsa
Meal 2: soba noodles, tofu, hazelnuts, broccoli
Meal 3: butternut squash soup, sourdough bread, chicken

We grocery shop on Sundays and cook everything on Monday evenings. By the end of the day Monday we have about 18 meals made per person.

This leaves a few open for going out to eat or preparing something we really want from scratch, but I LOVE the reduction of decision fatigue, the availablity of the meals, the way it limits mid-week dishes, and simplifies the grocery shopping process. On the whole I eat more and feel more satisfied by meal prepping on Mondays.

Imagine feeling like all of your meals were decided for you for the next seven days. Ah. What a relief.

CAR WASH

I want to include one more that isn’t a daily or weekly routine. One of my absolute favorite things in the entire world is car washes. I have loved them since I was a child. I think driving through the wash triggers my ASMR.

Because we have a fancy, new Suburu we committed to taking the best care of it we could. We dicided that at the beginning of every month I would take it to the car wash to get the undercarraige washed to limit any possibility of the car rusting. While there I couple the wash with an extensive interior vaccum and wipe down. I leave the car wash feeling so, so, so good. I love the luxurious feeling of having a clean car and feeling like the car is safe from rust. Then, later in the month when the car does get dirty I don’t feel anxious about cleaning it because I know another clean is coming up at the beginning of the next month.

We’ve even used the carwash container as an example to design other cleaning rituals to feel just as good.

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Once again, I am not sharing these containers because I want to brag about what I’m able to ‘get done’ every month. Rather I’m confirming that without routine and safe containers I feel lost. Having worked step by step to place these containers in my life I feel that I can actually function. From the outside in I thought having such a ‘regimented’ or ‘strict’ life would stifle my creativity and make life bland. But the opposite has happened. Building this level of stability, putting everything not just in its place but its TIME, has allowed me to invest wholeheartedly in my singleness of purpose.

What containers hold you?